Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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