she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
