Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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