No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
