I can text with my tongue
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
