The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
