Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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