I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
