Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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