Pappa wants mamma naked
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
