you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
