In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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