Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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