Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
