Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
