If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
