haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You are the jesus of drinking
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
