This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
