I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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