i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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