they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
