I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
