Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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