Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
