Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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