So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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