Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
