No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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