If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
