she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
