he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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