two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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