I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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