After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
