you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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