god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
