from now on my penis is your penis
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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