I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize