so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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