it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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