I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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