something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
