the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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