Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
