plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
