in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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