Got a toothbrush?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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