I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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