So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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