someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
