She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
