I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
