Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
