I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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