It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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