i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
