words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
