you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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