I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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