mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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