I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
