my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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