I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
