Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
