dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
