I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
