just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
