she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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