Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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